I’ve written a post I’d planned to write before I started this blog, about my success with Wellbutrin (buprofion). I was going to post it a few Wednesdays ago, but I hadn’t taken the time to think through the ramifications of publicizing the fact that I’ve had depression issues. Talking about it to strangers is easy; it’s the people who know me I’m worried about.
I’m not ashamed or embarrassed by the fact that I’ve had depression. It doesn’t mean I’m crazy. It’s also not something I created, and I haven’t willingly allowed it to take me over. The major depression that needed treatment was brought on by a combination of stressful life events and chemistry issues, some likely related to approaching menopause. I did not succomb to it, tempting as that was at times. Instead, I came to view it as a problem to solve.
I know that not everyone views depression that way. And even though my last name is not on this site, many people who read it know who I am. I’m less worried about people whispering about my lovelife than people whispering about me being crazy. Some people who read this blog are those with whom I have a professional association. Will they think twice about me professionally if they know about my difficulties?
(Interestingly, I didn’t have these concerns while I was seeing Bob.)
I was discussing this quandary with my dear friend Dale, who, as always, listened to me attentively and carefully. I explained how I wanted to take more time with the Wellbutrin piece, in particular to add caveats so it would be clear I wasn’t unstable.
“Listen to what you’re saying,” he said. “I think there’s a post right there.”
He was right. Even though I will discuss my depression readily if it comes up in a social situation, I was concerned about being stigmatized or criticized if I wrote about it here. On the other hand, if I had a book deal, I wouldn’t even hesitate.
“What’s the payoff for doing it on my site?” I asked Dale.
It certainly wouldn’t be monetary—not given my lame attempts at marketing. And it could cost me in all kinds of ways. Where’s the win?
“Maybe the payoff is that you’ll help someone else,” Dale said.
Dale can be awfully smart. I don’t think my post will do much to destigmatize depression, but maybe it will tell someone something useful about Wellbutrin that they didn’t know. Or maybe it’ll give someone the idea that medication might help their symptoms. Or maybe if, like me, they’ve struggled with finding a solution, it’ll offer the reassurance that they will find something that helps.
So it’s coming, next week, with all the caveats. And with regard to my professional associates, remember: what happens on the G-Spot stays on the G-Spot.