Comments on: Queen of Denial http://thebetsygspot.com/queen-of-denial Love, life, and sex in the suburbs Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:31:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Betsy http://thebetsygspot.com/queen-of-denial#comment-155 Betsy Tue, 02 Sep 2008 00:16:29 +0000 http://thebetsygspot.com/?p=111#comment-155 It's true that our kids won't really ever come back in the same way. I think the first step on that path is the first time they take the keys and drive alone. Oh, M. Don't put that pressure on yourself to make this year something out of the ordinary. He has a lifetime of memories, and you'll know if you did a good job if he's a happy and well-adjusted person. (Though I'm sure plenty of good parents' children end up as miserable, floundering adults.) I do think that making the college search experience a positive and supportive one will set him on a good path. (Believe me, I wanted to take Michael by the throat and tell him where to go to school. My tongue has a hole in it from the biting.) Work with him, show him you trust his judgment, let him make the decision, and I think that's the best preparation for his leaving that you can do. (Oh jeepers. It's September already. Maybe you've already done all that. Where does the time go??) It’s true that our kids won’t really ever come back in the same way. I think the first step on that path is the first time they take the keys and drive alone.

Oh, M. Don’t put that pressure on yourself to make this year something out of the ordinary. He has a lifetime of memories, and you’ll know if you did a good job if he’s a happy and well-adjusted person. (Though I’m sure plenty of good parents’ children end up as miserable, floundering adults.) I do think that making the college search experience a positive and supportive one will set him on a good path. (Believe me, I wanted to take Michael by the throat and tell him where to go to school. My tongue has a hole in it from the biting.) Work with him, show him you trust his judgment, let him make the decision, and I think that’s the best preparation for his leaving that you can do.

(Oh jeepers. It’s September already. Maybe you’ve already done all that. Where does the time go??)

]]> By: Miranda http://thebetsygspot.com/queen-of-denial#comment-151 Miranda Sun, 31 Aug 2008 22:05:12 +0000 http://thebetsygspot.com/?p=111#comment-151 Wow. I am so not ready. Will be going through this experience next year. I am seriously dreading it, already. I think that my son's departure—while I will be full of pride and happiness for him—will be largely an opportunity for me to feel guilty about everything I DIDN'T do while he was still at home—all the missed opportunities, the ways that I failed him. I tend to feel guilty about everything anyway, and never live up to my own expectations of motherhood—but I think that the fact that BetsyG and the first commenter aren't overwhelmed with sadness says more about feeling good about the job you've done as mothers. Sure, there's got to be some denial there, but what I read is that you're confident that things won't change that much—and that you have deeply positive feelings about where things are at in terms of the relationships you have with your sons. I say, bravo. I do have a good relationship with my son, but I don't think he'll "come back" to me in the same way once he's gone. I am going to do everything I can to make his last year at home full of happiness and good memories. It's all I have left. Maybe, if I do it right, I'll actually be in a good place with him leaving. Maybe? Wow. I am so not ready. Will be going through this experience next year. I am seriously dreading it, already. I think that my son’s departure—while I will be full of pride and happiness for him—will be largely an opportunity for me to feel guilty about everything I DIDN’T do while he was still at home—all the missed opportunities, the ways that I failed him.

I tend to feel guilty about everything anyway, and never live up to my own expectations of motherhood—but I think that the fact that BetsyG and the first commenter aren’t overwhelmed with sadness says more about feeling good about the job you’ve done as mothers. Sure, there’s got to be some denial there, but what I read is that you’re confident that things won’t change that much—and that you have deeply positive feelings about where things are at in terms of the relationships you have with your sons. I say, bravo.

I do have a good relationship with my son, but I don’t think he’ll “come back” to me in the same way once he’s gone. I am going to do everything I can to make his last year at home full of happiness and good memories. It’s all I have left. Maybe, if I do it right, I’ll actually be in a good place with him leaving. Maybe?

]]> By: Julie R. http://thebetsygspot.com/queen-of-denial#comment-149 Julie R. Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:17:59 +0000 http://thebetsygspot.com/?p=111#comment-149 Interesting perspective. I really enjoyed reading this. My oldest child leaves in less than 24 hours. Not one item has been packed and the trash can never occurred to me. Surely, one of the other 3 roomates will have one. How do I feel - I have no idea. I don't know if I will be crying or celebrating on the trip home. I think I've convinced myself that this is more like going to boarding school. It's a small college. He's only an hour away. We can visit whenever we want. This morning on a walk, my friend ( with 2 kids in college) said "This is big Julie. This is a big deal. It will never be the same. They come home, but just to visit." I guess I've been in denial too. I better go buy some kleenex. Interesting perspective. I really enjoyed reading this. My oldest child leaves in less than 24 hours. Not one item has been packed and the trash can never occurred to me. Surely, one of the other 3 roomates will have one. How do I feel - I have no idea. I don’t know if I will be crying or celebrating on the trip home. I think I’ve convinced myself that this is more like going to boarding school. It’s a small college. He’s only an hour away. We can visit whenever we want. This morning on a walk, my friend ( with 2 kids in college) said “This is big Julie. This is a big deal. It will never be the same. They come home, but just to visit.” I guess I’ve been in denial too. I better go buy some kleenex.

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