The BetsyG-Spot

Each week I invite readers to tell me their stories as they relate to my Monday post. I was so pleased to receive this story from a reader in response to Boy, Crazy!.

By Ms. X

When I read your blog posts, I feel like I’m in church (even though I haven’t been in a while). Let me explain the analogy. When I listen to the priest give his sermon, I often think that he’s speaking directly to me, because his sermon seems to be answering questions relating to my personal issues at that time. Wow, he gets it! Your post, Boy, Crazy!, made me feel just that way, that you were speaking directly to me. Yeah, she gets it!

I’m recently out of a relationship that had been going on since last August, and not long ago I was presented with the opportunity to date a new guy. I was thinking the same thing as what you wrote about in your post: if I went out on a date with Jim (the new guy), it would certainly help me forget Dave (the old guy). Then I thought, maybe I just want to start dating Jim to help me get over Dave, and that wouldn’t be nice to Jim.

But then I thought, you know what? At this point, who gives a shit? And I can’t bank on Jim even calling me. So in actuality, I’m left to my own defenses for battling heartbreak. And, like you, I’m thinking: how long do I have to wait until the next guy? It had been quite a long time between the ex and Dave.

So, I listen to sad love songs and wallow in the mire, and surprisingly, it helps. Uplifting love songs certainly help too. Like, Heart, “Nothing at All”, when she sings:

Now I walk home every evening
And my feet are quick to move
Cause I know my destination
Is a warm and waiting you

And that’s why I’ll do it over and over again, until I find the right guy. Which brings me back to, how long do I have to wait until the next guy?

On the other hand—God love that other hand—I feel like I’ll have to get back to the place I was a year ago (pre-Dave), and really come back to terms with the mindset that just maybe I will never find that someone to spend the rest of my life with, and I’ll have to be content and happy with me, myself, and I.

I was truly there last year before Dave. How quickly shit happens!

——

Ms. X, I think you’re right that you have to be happy on your own, but don’t give up on having a relationship if that’s what you want! I think if you accept life alone too readily, you won’t be exposed to opportunities, or you won’t notice them when they’re there. I know it’s so exhausting to travel the sine wave of a failed relationship. But take a little rest, come back to yourself completely, and use what you’ve learned from your past relationships to your benefit in the future.

BTW, I am not a Heart fan (though I did see them a long, long time ago at the Yale Bowl in New Haven, and got horribly sunburnt knees, but that’s another story…), but I like those lyrics you quoted now that I see them written out.

Thanks so much for sharing!